IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money
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It is argued that a sufficient amount of
money
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 is a way to have a happy
life
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.
On the other hand
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, there are lots of examples that other
values
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 are existing.
This
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 essay will discuss both questions and
then
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 give my opinion. Nowadays making
money
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 is one of the highest priorities of our society.
Firstly
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,
unlimited
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an unlimited
show examples
 bank account gives
an
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apply
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access to the most available
values
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 and
life
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 benefits,
such
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 as
luxurious
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luxury
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 cars and spacious villas in the most exclusive destinations. It opens doors
of
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to
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 all boutiques and prestigious shopping malls, as well as empowers people to hold a special status to be rich. Unfortunately,
to earn
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earning
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 a lot is a well-recognized and highly demanding trend in our daily lives. All media
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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, including movies, newspapers and online social sources are programming everyone to be
adictited
Correct your spelling
addicted
of
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to
show examples
money
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.
In
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On
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contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
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, there are other
life
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values
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 are available. It is
obviously
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obvious
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, that many things are priceless. You cannot buy a true friendship, you cannot buy love, in
the
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apply
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most
cases
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,cases
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 you cannot buy
a
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apply
show examples
good health. Is anyone see
a
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apply
show examples
happiness in the shop? Probably not. Occasionally
on
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at
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 some
stage
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,stage
show examples
 you may have access to more valued items, but
at
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in
show examples
 the
end
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,end
show examples
money
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 would not play the most important role. Luckily, more and more people are recognizing it, and already adjusted their attitude to it. In conclusion, I would like to say that being extremely rich is still a target of
the
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apply
show examples
most people in our community.
Nevertheless
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, it seems to be less popular in the nearest future. Our generation becomes more sensitive to
the
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apply
show examples
life
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 balanced
values
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,
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apply
show examples
 and targeting more inspirational and rational resources of happiness.
Submitted by kurish.ernest on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
What to do next:
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