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Band 5

Some people say that the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money
It is argued that a sufficient amount of
money
 is a way to have a happy
life
.
On the other hand
, there are lots of examples that other
values
 are existing.
This
 essay will discuss both questions and
then
 give my opinion. Nowadays making
money
 is one of the highest priorities of our society.
Firstly
,
unlimited
Correct article usage
an unlimited
show examples
 bank account gives
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
access to the most available
values
 and
life
 benefits,
such
 as
luxurious
Replace the word
luxury
show examples
 cars and spacious villas in the most exclusive destinations. It opens doors
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all boutiques and prestigious shopping malls, as well as empowers people to hold a special status to be rich. Unfortunately,
to earn
Change the verb form
earning
show examples
 a lot is a well-recognized and highly demanding trend in our daily lives. All media
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
, including movies, newspapers and online social sources are programming everyone to be
adictited
Correct your spelling
addicted
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
money
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
, there are other
life
values
 are available. It is
obviously
Replace the word
obvious
show examples
, that many things are priceless. You cannot buy a true friendship, you cannot buy love, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
cases
Add a comma
,cases
show examples
 you cannot buy
a
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apply
show examples
good health. Is anyone see
a
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apply
show examples
happiness in the shop? Probably not. Occasionally
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 some
stage
Add a comma
,stage
show examples
 you may have access to more valued items, but
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
money
 would not play the most important role. Luckily, more and more people are recognizing it, and already adjusted their attitude to it. In conclusion, I would like to say that being extremely rich is still a target of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most people in our community.
Nevertheless
, it seems to be less popular in the nearest future. Our generation becomes more sensitive to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 balanced
values
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and targeting more inspirational and rational resources of happiness.
Submitted by kurish.ernest on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
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