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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that too much attention and too many resources are given in the protection of wild animals and birds. Do you agree or disagree about this opinion?

#people #attention #resources #protection #animals #birds
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It is true that the public has paid too much attention and too many resources to protect wild species. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
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 point of view. There are many reasons why some people think that the protection of wild species has attracted too much attention from the public.
Firstly
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, many non-governmental organizations have been established to protect wild birds over the world.
Moreover
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, these animal-related institutions are too concerned about wild
animals
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.
For example
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, they accused a singer of using wild
animals
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 in her own music videos for commercial purposes,
while
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 she did not.
Secondly
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, news about animal-related issues spread quickly on the Internet.
For instance
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, if a polar bear is imprisoned somewhere,
this
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 news will be shared rapidly through social networking sites
such
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 as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram , and Telegram.
In addition
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, people have allocated too many resources to protect wild
animals
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. The most important thing is that a great deal of
money
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 is required to carry out projects to protect
animals
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,
which
Correct word choice
and
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 infrastructure and research are the most expensive. The more difficult research is , the more it costs. Another thing is that investment in preserving the DNA of
animals
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 seems to be a waste of
money
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 to some extent. Governments should spend
money
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 on key fields
such
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 as medicine, education and transportation.
In addition
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, local authorities ought to allocate
money
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 to improve the quality of life in some areas. In conclusion, the protection of wild
animals
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 has attracted too much concern and
money
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.
Submitted by nhatrangthanyeu2013 on

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task response
The essay responds to the prompt by presenting arguments in favor of the opinion. However, the response lacks in-depth analysis and development of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the logical structure of the essay could be improved for better coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecological balance
  • species extinction
  • wildlife conservation
  • sustainable development
  • ecosystem services
  • habitat destruction
  • endangered species
  • conservation efforts
  • natural heritage
  • human encroachment
  • poaching
  • genetic diversity
  • climate change
  • environmental stewardship
  • protection measures
  • wildlife sanctuary
  • biological significance
  • conservation biology
  • environmental advocacy
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