The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave.However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

It is true that many older
people
believe in traditional values that often seem incompatible with the needs of younger
people
. While I agree that some traditional ideas are outdated, I believe that others are still useful and should not be forgotten. On the one hand, many of the ideas that elderly
people
have about life are becoming less relevant for younger
people
. In the past,
for example
,
people
were advised to learn a profession and find a secure job for life, but today’s workers expect much more variety and diversity from their careers. While
,
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apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction While. Consider removing the comma.

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the ‘rules’ around relationships are being eroded as young adults make their own choices about who and when to marry. But perhaps the greatest disparity between the generations can be seen in their attitudes towards gender roles. The traditional roles of men and women, as breadwinners and housewives, are no longer accepted as necessary or appropriate by most younger
people
.
On the other hand
, some traditional views and values are certainly applicable to the modern world.
For example
, older generations attach great importance to working hard, doing one’s best, and taking pride in one’s work, and
these behavior
Change the determiner
this behavior

It appears that the plural demonstrative these is modifying the singular noun behavior. Consider using a singular demonstrative or a plural noun instead.

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can surely benefit young
people
as they enter today’s competitive job market. Other characteristics that are perhaps seen as traditional are politeness and good manners. In our globalized world, young adults can expect to come into contact with
people
from a huge variety of backgrounds, and it is more important than ever to treat others with respect.
Finally
, I believe that young
people
would lead happier lives if they had a more ‘old-fashioned’ sense of community and
neighborliness
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neighbourliness

The spelling of neighborliness is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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. In conclusion,
although
the views of older
people
may sometimes seem unhelpful in today’s world, we should not dismiss all traditional ideas as irrelevant.
Submitted by Esther on

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    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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