IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In newspaper, local hospital advertised for people to do unpaid work in the hospital Write a letter Why do you want to do unpaid work Which kind of work do you want When you can join the hospital

#newspaper #people #work
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I saw your ad in the newspaper. Our hospital is very large and complex. Many patients can not find the department they need to go to. Patients should not go to places they need to go to, it is stressful for them. The hospital's directional signs are enough but they do not need to go to the department because they are very stressed which is why they can not see. In my opinion, our hospital
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not have enough consultation. If you accept me, I can work as a consultant in the hospital. I am already a hospital employee so
this
 works very easily for me. I know all departments. If you accept me I will be very happy. I can stand in the entrance section of the hospital a friend of mine said she could stay in the emergency department. We want to help patients in our spare time.
Submitted by kubrairmak287 on

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Greeting and Closing
Consider adding a proper greeting and closing to enhance the structure of your letter.
Single Idea per Paragraph
Organize the content into clearer paragraphs to separate different ideas, such as your reasons for wanting to volunteer and specifics about your availability.
Complete Response
The letter clearly identifies reasons for wanting to volunteer, which fulfills part of the task requirements.
Suitable Writing Tone
The letter shows a willingness to help patients and suggests a specific role, which demonstrates a proactive approach.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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