IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some countries it is advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?

#countries #children #education #four #years #school #seven #eight
It is argued that
children
 should begin the formal education at four
years
 old but someone else thinks that it is important to start
school
 not before
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
seven or eight. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss both views as well as I
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 we should focus more on the
first
 sentence of the statement.
Firstly
 I think that
children
 must begin the formal education at four or five
years
 because the process of learning requires time and if a child starts
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an early age
this
 process can be easier,
for instance
 in my country,
usually
Add a comma
,usually
show examples
 the
first
 year of formal
school
 is at the age of five
years
 and I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 that
this
 is the perfect time for
start
Add an article
the start
show examples
 due to the fact that a child has to learn how to read or write which are a
foundamental
Correct your spelling
fundamental
 requirements for all the people.
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
 I strongly believe that start as soon as possible is the key
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 learning, it is generally said that the
school
 do not have to start until the
children
 are seven or eight
years
 old probably because they think that
children
 have to play and enjoy their life, and do not think about the study or to be forced to do something that they do not want. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I believe that the
children
 have to start early the formal education because they have more time for learning how to study, read and write
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 are essential skills for everybody.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 I think that going to
school
 after seven
years
 is too late for
this
 kind of society
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
require
Change the verb form
requires
show examples
 particular skills
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 early age.
Submitted by edogiova01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: