IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today family members do not eat meals together. Why does this happen? Is this a positive or negative development Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, each person
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 to have their meal by themselves alone and not sit at a table with their family. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a major problem that comes from the fast-paced technology growth, which has made
people
Use synonyms
 like spending more
time
Use synonyms
 on their phones rather than chatting with each other,
as well as
Linking Words
 a terribly negative development that leads to
people
Use synonyms
 falling apart from each other.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
due to
Linking Words
 the
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 growth,
people
Use synonyms
 are less interested in having face-to-face communication with others, as they prefer to spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 on their own by scrolling through social media. With that being said, everyone is now busy texting friends, scrolling through different apps
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram or TikTok, and liking the mesmerizing photos that have been posted on these apps.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will eventually hypnotism
people
Use synonyms
 to spend most of their lives in
this
Linking Words
 unreal environment rather than talking and communicating with their loved ones in the real world.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is an extremely negative development that has made each of us into a secluded individual
instead
Linking Words
 of our natural
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 which is being social and communicating with others.
For instance
Linking Words
, now most of us enjoy having our meals in our rooms and not sitting around the table and having family
time
Use synonyms
. A few years ago, all families tended to eat food and especially have dinner with family members, as
this
Linking Words
 was the
time
Use synonyms
 that each member could share their everyday stories and have a great
time
Use synonyms
 with their loved ones,
however
Linking Words
, nowadays it is quite the opposite. Other than that, spending all of our
time
Use synonyms
 by ourselves and not talking to real-life
people
Use synonyms
, will eventually lead to be depressed and cause permanent mental problems.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I think that having each meal with our family is a great opportunity to express our ideas and feelings with the ones that are caring and love us the most in our life. It is
also
Linking Words
 the best
time
Use synonyms
 to put our phones down and cherish the real moments and memories that will
last
Linking Words
 us a lifetime.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay discusses the reasons and impacts of families not eating together, which shows you understand the task. However, it lacks a clearer structure in terms of paragraphs separating the introduction, main body, and conclusion more distinctly. Try to start with a more defined introduction, stating what the essay will discuss, followed by body paragraphs each focusing on a separate point (one on causes and the other on effects), and conclude with a summary of your stance and a restatement of the main points.
coherence cohesion
Aim to enhance logical flow by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs more coherently. For coherence, also ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that tells the reader what the paragraph will be about, followed by explanation and example.
task achievement
While you included examples and reasons in your essay, work on providing more precise and detailed examples from your own experience or observations to illustrate your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and relevant to the topic.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: