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Writing Samples
Band 5

People sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals?

#people #reason #effects #individuals
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In the present situation, many individuals are getting
less
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fewer
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 nap
times
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 because of more pressure in the working
conditions
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.
However
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,
this
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 is different in previous
work
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times
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 because of technological advancements and companies expansion
people
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 have working schedules and proper sleep time. In
this
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 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 would like to discuss the drawbacks and changes that are made in the global environment.
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First
Correct article usage
The first
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 and foremost reason is the technology
change
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 in the
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Correct your spelling
workplace
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work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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,where more
people
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 are using the devices.
For instance
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, mobile phones and computers which are advanced version and using of
this
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has
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have
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 become increased way because of the pressurised
work
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.
Secondly
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,
work
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 depends upon the size of the company,
number
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a number
the number
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 of individuals working.
However
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, if there are less number of hired persons in the small organisation
then
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 it will be increased number of
hours
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.
For example
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, an employer who has to
work
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 for
maximum
Correct article usage
a maximum
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7
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of 7
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to 8
hours
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 can
change
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 to 10 to 12
hours
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.
Moreover
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,
this
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 can
change
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 the individuals less sleeping
hours
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.
Finally
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, in the long run of
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work
Add a comma
,work
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 it is
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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on
Change preposition
by
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 the worker's health
conditions
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.
Furthermore
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,always safety rules and
healthy
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health
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conditions
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 are mandatory in the
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Correct your spelling
workplace
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work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, some others opine that increasing size of the company and advancements in the working
conditions
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 can benefit
people
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 who are working in the long run.
For example
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, increasing employers and more office spaces
also
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 impact
in
Change preposition
apply
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the
work
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conditions
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. These variations in the
work
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 can help
people
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 to get benefits of
work
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 economy and to enjoy the working pace of life.
Moreover
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, if
employer
Add an article
an employer
the employer
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 needs to
work
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 at night
times
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 increasing salaries and other benefits can help the individual 's health. To conclude, companies
needs
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need
show examples
 to
change
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 their
pace
Correct your spelling
place
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 of
work
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 because it impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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public health
conditions
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 .
However
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, schedules of working can be
benefited
Replace the word
beneficial
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 for an individual to get proper sleep
times
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ar050682 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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