IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today, many mothers take care of the family and do not go to work. Some people believe that the government should pay them their salaries. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#mothers #care #work #people #government #salaries
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A
Use synonyms
mothers
Change noun form
mother's
show examples
 role in the family is considered as an asset for many years for great bonding. Nowadays, many
mothers
Use synonyms
 do not
work
Use synonyms
 and concentrate on family members and their wellness. Some
people
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 argue that they should be paid
salaries
Use synonyms
 by the
government
Use synonyms
. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for two
reasons
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain those in detail.
Firstly
Linking Words
, for many years
women
Use synonyms
 choose not to
work
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 family traditional
reasons
Use synonyms
. South Indians, especially, do not prefer their
women
Use synonyms
 members
go
Fix the infinitive
to go
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 to
work
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 and earn money.
As per
Change preposition
In
show examples
 their view, only men have to
work
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 and take
care
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 of the family.
In other words
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 should take
care
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 of the family that they belong to.
For example
Linking Words
, south Indians, mostly living with joint families and the elderly
people
Use synonyms
 at the home never agree to allow
women
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 to choose their career path.
As a result
Linking Words
, they end up
with concentrate
Change preposition
concentrating
show examples
 on their family members. Meantime, it is not the responsibility of the
government
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 to pay
salaries
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 for doing nothing.
Secondly
Linking Words
, considering
children
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’s growth many
women
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 stay at home. In recent days, the increase of small families is inevitable for financial
reasons
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. Many working professionals
work
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 in different parts of the cities leaving their joint family at
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 native place.
This
Linking Words
 forces them to stay with their wife and
children
Use synonyms
nearby
Correct your spelling
near
show examples
 their working location. In other terms, grandparents cannot stay with them
due to
Linking Words
 financial burdens.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if
mothers
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 plan to
work
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, the
children
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’s safety is a million-dollar question.
For instance
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 there are many Creche
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 several facilities to take
care
Use synonyms
 of
children
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 still have no belief in their hospitalities.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 do not show interest
to continue
Change preposition
in continuing
show examples
 their careers even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 previous
work
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 experiences.
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should initiate and create more
children
Use synonyms
care
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 units despite paying
salaries
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 to
mothers
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. In conclusion, it is understood that
mothers
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 do not
work
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due to
Linking Words
 their
family
Change noun form
family's
show examples
 traditional
reasons
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 and to take
care
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 of their
children
Use synonyms
 for their betterment in future.
the
Correct your spelling
The government
show examples
Government
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 should focus more on improving existing childcare facilities and
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 more units in the near future
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue to pay them
salaries
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Vijay Pandurangan on

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Task Achievement
Make sure to state your position more explicitly in the introduction. Although you disagree with the statement, a clearer expression of opinion could enhance the focus.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and each idea is linked back to the main topic effectively.
Lexical Resource
Try to minimize the use of colloquial expressions and phrases to maintain formal essay standards.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transitional phrases more effectively at the beginning of each paragraph to better guide the reader through your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear and logical structure by introducing both reasons for disagreement separately and elaborating on each.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples are given, particularly involving South Indian families and challenges faced, which support the main points well.
Task Achievement
The conclusion nicely echoes the introduction and effectively sums up the key arguments while suggesting alternative actions.
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