IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

#technology #people #cell #phone #security #cameras #cases
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Technological advancements these days have made it possible to track every activity performed by an individual. Many people argue whether the gravity of the benefits of being under
survillience
Correct your spelling
surveillance
 more than its downside. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will try to elucidate how its profits are way more than its drawbacks. One of the prominent
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 that being monitored can be in favour of mankind due to increasing technologies is that it helps in reducing
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 rate.
For instance
Linking Words
 , by installing a CCTV camera at higher risk areas like at airports, railways stations , shopping malls and even outside our houses, we get to track any suspected visitors at
this
Linking Words
 place and can control the damage
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 can cause.
Thus
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being under
survellience
Correct your spelling
surveillance
 is vital and for the safety of humans.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, we must
also
Linking Words
 admit that
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our thoughts that we post over social media, which is always scanned, has helped our
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
 in understanding the mood of the citizens instantly.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Indian
Add an article
the Indian
show examples
 government had launched a bill against Farmers and
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people voted against it over social media
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 which was
then
Linking Words
 taken down after being noticed by the government.
Thus
Linking Words
 we need to admit that being under
scanner
Correct article usage
the scanner
show examples
 has helped
to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
 connect with higher authorities faster than before.
However
Linking Words
, I agree that it has certain downsides as well in terms of privacy.
For example
Linking Words
, some stalkers can hack the mobile GPS system and follow us and harm us.
However
Linking Words
, these risks can be minimised if we carefully do the privacy setting in our mobiles or always update the antivirus in our machines. To conclude, I clearly believe that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 that new technologies
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 introduced are way more than
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 disadvantages. It is our responsibility to use the technical advancements mindfully. The developments are here to help us lead a better life and not to mount problems for us.
Submitted by ojhadipty.may on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: