IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

in many countries children are getting fatter and less fit this day. what is it so and suggest solutions.

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It is undeniable, that obesity is increasing in a number of nations.
This
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 essay will discuss the main reasons
of
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for
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this
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situatuion
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situation
 and suggest some possible ways to deal with it. In
this
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mordern
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modern
 era, a
majourity
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majority
 of people wants to use expensive and
luxerious
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luxurious
 items so they doing work and became
workoholics
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workaholics
.
To begin
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 with, most
of
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apply
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young
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the young
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children
Use synonyms
 are depending on
Correct pronoun usage
their
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them
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the
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 parents to cook food because they do not know
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how
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hoe
Correct your spelling
how
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 to cook.
Secondly
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, street food
are
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is
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 famous everywhere in the world which is cheap in
rate
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the rate
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 but higher in calories,
colestrol
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cholesterol
 and sugar. After consuming
this
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 kind of meal
children
Use synonyms
 becoming unhealthy and increase body fat. A reacher found that in 1984, 32%
Canadian
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of Canadian
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 highly depended on the local food and gained weight in
comapre
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compare
of
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to
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 other
children
Use synonyms
. The solutions are not simple, parents have to spend their quality time with theme
children
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 and teach
how
Correct pronoun usage
them how
show examples
 to cook. it is very
benefitual
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beneficial
 for
children
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similarly
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 school have to conduct a special lecture for cooking that builds confidence and
children
Use synonyms
's stands on
Change the pronoun
their
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them
Correct your spelling
the
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 legs when they taking interest they will be
Add an article
a self
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self learner
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self-learner
show examples
.
Moreover
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, walk or doing exercise in
morning
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the morning
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reduce
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reduces
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 fat and they
feels
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feel
show examples
 more active every day.
Finally
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, watching cookery shows like 'Master Chef' and 'Kitchen King'
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 gain knowledge and learn so many new recipes. To conclude, obesity in
children
Use synonyms
 causing many negative effects,
this
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 issue can be resolved by taking appropriate steps.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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