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Band 5

some people believe that zoos where animals are kept in man-made environment should no longer exist in 21st century.Do you agree or disagree?

#people #zoos #animals #environment #st #century
Nowadays,
zoos
 are
very
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a very
the very
show examples
 popular
facility
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facilities
show examples
 for us and most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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the people
show examples
 have visited the
zoo
 at least one time in
the
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their
show examples
 life.
However
, it is fact that some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
argues
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argue
show examples
 that
zoos
 are no longer exist in
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
show examples
 century due to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 artificial environment. Given that there are some negative
asapects
Correct your spelling
aspects
, I personally do not
hink
Correct your spelling
think
zoos
 will disappear for
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 reasons. The function of the
zoo
 is not simple to
rise
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raise
show examples
 money through
demonstration
Correct article usage
the demonstration
show examples
 of
animals
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it plays a role
of
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in
show examples
 protecting species.
Although
 those who stand negative views about
zoos
 often propose to give
animals
 back to
original
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their original
show examples
 place namely
wild
Correct article usage
a wild
show examples
 environment, it is
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 true that human beings are catalysts of
destruction
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the destruction
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 of
natures
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nature
show examples
. According to the scientific article, around 3 % of existing natures and around 1,500 species are
on
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in
show examples
Add an article
the blink
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blink
Correct your spelling
brink
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 of extinction every year due to our daily habits. In
this
 sense, even if the
zoo
 is surrounded by
Correct your spelling
artificial
aritificial
Correct article usage
an aritificial
show examples
 environment, it
significantly
Add a missing verb
is significantly
show examples
 necessary to continue
exist
Fix the infinitive
to exist
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 especially
those
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for those
show examples
animals
 that are facing some risks.
Furthermore
, the
zoo
 contributes
for
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to
show examples
 the education of children. Nowadays, kids have less time to play
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside due to school pressures for study or development computers and TV games. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
 in Japan, it is very common that the
schoo
Correct your spelling
school
 especially at the primary level arranges field
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
 to the
zoo
 and
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 not only study about habits of
animals
 but
also
 they can
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the importance of natural reserves.
Zoos
 play a role
of
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in
show examples
stipulating
Correct your spelling
stimulating
show examples
 the sense of kids from various angles especially in the modern era. To
surmmarize
Correct your spelling
summarize
, for the above reasons I do not think
zoos
 disappear in
21st
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the 21st
show examples
 century, rather
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should exist since they have a lot of merits as I aforementioned. What people always should take into account is not simply
criticise
Fix the infinitive
to criticise
show examples
zoos
, but it is necessary to see and resolve the bottlenecks of the reason why we need
zoos
.
Submitted by ryuichi.hiratuka210 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ethical considerations
  • Wildlife conservation
  • Artificial habitats
  • Species preservation
  • Breeding programs
  • Animal welfare
  • Ecological awareness
  • Habitat destruction
  • Captive breeding
  • Educational outreach
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Psychological stress
  • Regulatory compliance
  • Domestication vs. wildness
  • Natural behavior
  • Economic viability
  • Tourist attractions
  • Cultural perspective
  • Public sentiment
What to do next:
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