IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the money spent on space research has brought enormous benefits to mankind, but it could be more usefully applied. how far do you agree?

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It has been noticed that even though outer-space studies bring significant advantages to humankind, it is better to be used
elsewhere
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. I completely agree with the latter argument, as there are other current problems and important research fields that need the government's attention. One evident reason for space research should be de-prioritized is that the world has more pressing issues that require immediate attention
such
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 as poverty, education and healthcare.
Furthermore
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,
areospace
Correct your spelling
aerospace
 studies require considerably large funds and advanced equipment.
Hence
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such
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 funds can be more useful on above mentioned global issues.
For example
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, if a country could spend that much on the educational system's advancement
instead
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, there would be more educated professionals who will eventually be involved in fast economic growth in the long run.
Likewise
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, if spent on infrastructure,
then
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 a better standard of living for the society as a whole.
On the other hand
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, most of
such
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 astronomical projects yield no results.
Furthermore
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, they have a tendency to cease after many years of wasted resources, once they reach a dead-end where the probability of
such
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 is very high.
Hence
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such
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 funds and money can be spent on other research with definite results
such
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 as in medical, technological and environmental fields.
For instance
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, the vaccine for Covid 19 has been one of the greatest inventions in recent history. It can be seen how important they can be
than
Change preposition
in
show examples
 space findings to humankind. In conclusion, world money can be spent on more important economic and sociological issues and other projects where its advantages are vast and far more beneficial than the positive effect space studies have to offer.

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coherence
Your essay presents a well-structured and coherent argument. However, try to ensure each paragraph flows smoothly from one to the next. Using more linking phrases can help in this regard.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear and relevant. Try to elaborate a bit more on your points. Providing more detailed examples or explanations can strengthen your argument even further.
introduction
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets the stage for your argument.
supported points
Your essay contains well-developed main points and supporting evidence.
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