Obesity is an increasing problem in today’s society. Some people say that the government should put our tax on fast foods in order to solve this problem. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and then give your own opinion.

There has been an alarming rate of obesity

Change preposition

apply

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these days, henceforth, many are suggesting that the government put

higher

Add an article

a higher

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tax on junk foods.

This

Linking Words

essay examines its drawbacks as well as its benefits and my perspective, being that it is not sensible to higher the price of

these

Change the determiner

this food

show examples

food

Use synonyms

. It is a foregone conclusion that there are various advantages when taxes are put on fast foods. More specifically,

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

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actions would decrease the excessive amount of that type of

food

Use synonyms

consumption, thereby reducing the possibility of obesity. To illustrate, whenever the consumers think of having a meal at convenience

food

Use synonyms

’s stores, the exorbitantly high price would discourage them.

Instead

Linking Words

, with the same amount of money needed for purchasing those, the citizens could a wider choice of healthy

food

Use synonyms

. By enacting

this

Linking Words

legislation, not only will the residents consume less unhealthy

food

Use synonyms

, but they are

also

Linking Words

incentivized to lead a more healthy lifestyle.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, that approach

also

Linking Words

comes with a variety of limitations. As fast

food

Use synonyms

is one of the most economical

source

Change to a plural noun

sources

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nutritions

Fix the agreement mistake

nutrition

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, families coming from an underprivileged background could not afford anything to eat. More importantly, putting a higher tax means that the

fast

Add a hyphen

fast-food

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food

Use synonyms

chains would suffer from extremely

lower income

Add a hyphen

lower-income

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, henceforth, it would be challenging for the industry to make a living.

Consequently

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

would put a strain on the world’s economy as a whole. In conclusion, there are benefits and drawbacks when putting a tax on

this

Linking Words

type of

food

Use synonyms

. From my perspective,

however

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

solution is not as sensible as it may sound due to the dramatic pressure on the world’s economy.

volethuyanh2004

Aug 5, 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Obesity is an increasing problem in today’s society. Some people say that the government should put our tax on fast foods in order to solve this problem. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and then give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays more and more people want things instantly. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Government spending on restroration of old buildings in cities should be stopped. Instead they should spend money in housing and road development . Do you agree or disagree with this.

In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?