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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe famous people’s support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while other think celebrities make the problem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #people’s #support #aid #organizations #attention #celebrities
People
 have different views about the influence of
celebrities
’
support
 on the global
aid
organization
. While
celebrities
 may bring negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
, I agree with those who believe that famous
people
 will give rise to more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
organization
. There are some key reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
celebrities
 casing negative effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international
aid
 organisations.
Firstly
, most of the
people
 trust that famous
people
support
 the
organization
 just for seeking
money
 rather than help
people
 with
true
Add an article
a true
show examples
 heart.
Secondly
,
under
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the help of
celebrities
,
Correct article usage
the publics
show examples
publics
Fix the agreement mistake
public
show examples
 may think the problems are solved,
thus
 they are not going to
support
 the
organization
 anymore.
For example
, if an idol raises $10,000,000 for an
aid
 organisation,
people
many
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 think the
money
 is enough and stop
to
Change the verb form
supporting
show examples
support
 the organisation.
However
, I tend to believe that the influence of
celebrities
 will result in positive effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international
aid
 organisations. It is fair to think that famous
people
 will attract more attention to the events and raise more
money
 for the
aid
 groups. To be more specific, under the appealing of
celebrities
, their massive fans will
also
 put effort or
money
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the
organization
.
Furthermore
, the reliability of
celebrities
 is high due to there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 public
character
Fix the agreement mistake
characters
show examples
 whose
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 will be monitored by the citizens;
thus
, the credibility of international
aid
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 will
also
 be increased that caused more attention and help to it. In conclusion, famous
people
 could play
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 significant role in supporting global
aid
 groups due to their wealth, influence and fans.
Submitted by Esther on

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When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • international aid organizations
  • draws attention
  • less important
  • famous people
  • celebrities
  • volunteer support
  • overshadow
  • dilute
  • sustainability
  • endorsement
  • genuine
  • advocacy
  • deeper understanding
  • engaged
  • informed base
  • committed
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