IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that lawbreakers should be sent to prison. However, others think that better talents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #lawbreakers #prison #talents #work
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It is
heated
Correct article usage
a heated
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 controversy about whether the prisoner with better talents should be made to
work
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, lawbreakers must be sentenced to jail,
although
Linking Words
 some of them are talented in certain aspects of their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, sentencing the lawbreakers to prison, only in
this
Linking Words
 way, can ensure that the sufferer's rights not be violated again.
Moreover
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, for espionage crimes, isolating them from the outside can keep the nation in a safer situation. The
criminals
Use synonyms
 should receive adequate punishment and realize their faults
of
Change preposition
for
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 committing a crime before being released to society.
Otherwise
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, those wrongdoers with a criminal record could commit another crime habitually. Particularly, talented crimes can upgrade the modus operandi that increases the difficulty of catching them.
Nevertheless
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,
criminals
Use synonyms
 with professional talents can be granted
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
specific
work
Use synonyms
 under imprisonment. They deserve penalties because of their misbehaviours and crimes despite their talents.
However
Linking Words
, it is reasonable to allow reformed
criminals
Use synonyms
 to contribute to society with their expertise and skills.
For instance
Linking Words
, the police can employ reformed frauds to assist them in detecting fraud cases with their experience. Another example,
reformed
Add a missing verb
is reformed
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 hackers can
work
Use synonyms
 for corporations to protect technology intelligence from being stolen by competitors.
In addition
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, they can
work
Use synonyms
 for the military to defend
national
Change preposition
against national
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 hacking activities. In case these talented expirees are virtuous, they should be couraged to
work
Use synonyms
 and make good use of their profession. In conclusion,
criminals
Use synonyms
 should be
under
Change preposition
apply
show examples
imprisonment
Replace the word
imprisoned
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 because they deserve it. If someone with gifted expertise could leave the jail, it
is
Wrong verb form
would be
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 unequal to other prisoners and unfair to the sufferers.
Consequently
Linking Words
, lawbreakers with professions
also
Linking Words
 need to be sentenced to prison as others.
Submitted by Steve Yan on

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Task Response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses both views and presents a clear opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall logical structure is good, but ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly and cohesively.
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