IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market.
#show #japanese #tourists #australia’s #tourist #market
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The first bar chart illustrates the number of
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourists
traveling
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travelling
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 overseas, (meanwhile) the line charts
shows
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show
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 the percentage of
Japanese
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 visitors that travel to
Australia
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 which both
of
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apply
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charts showed the data between 1985 and 1995.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was a gradual increase
of
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in
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the figure for
Japanese
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 voyagers that explored other countries during a decade, except in 1991 which decreased slightly. The majority of them
traveled
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travelled
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 to
Australia
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 in 1993. In the initial
year
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, there were 5
millions
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million
show examples
Japanese
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Correct pronoun usage
who
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traveled
Wrong verb form
travelling
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 abroad.
This
Linking Words
 figure increased steadily until the
year
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of
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apply
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1990.
However
Linking Words
, there was a slight decline in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
year
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 after which only reached around 10.5
millions
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million
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 (1990) before going back to climb significantly throughout the
year
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, and successfully reached the peak in 1995 (15
millions
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million
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). There was around 2% of
Japanese
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 that travel to
Australia
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 in 1985 and
started
Correct pronoun usage
this started
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 to climb considerably
after
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apply
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10 years later.
Although
Linking Words
, the percentage of
Japanese
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 tourists in
Australia
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was fell
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fell
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 in 1989 and 1994 .
Submitted by faradienaf on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, australia, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "climb" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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