IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work. What will be consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?

#people #background #cities #work #consequences #offer
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The
number
Use synonyms
 of
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a pupil
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pupil
Change to a plural noun
pupils
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 leaving the agriculture occupation and relocating the cities
are
Change the verb form
is
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 increasing day by day. There can be severe consequences of
this
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 migration which
i
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I
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 will discuss point by point in
this
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 essay.
First
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, if the
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals leaving
farming
Correct article usage
the farming
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 sector keeps on escalating
this
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 much,
then
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 there will be
immense
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an immense
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 shortage of the basic food
esstentials
Correct your spelling
essentials
. As we are already aware of population shoot-up year by year, if people will leave growing wheat,rice and other basic food essentials,
then
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 with
passage
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the passage
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 of time, there will be food scarcity in
country
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the country
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.
Second
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, It will lead to
immense
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an immense
the immense
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 increase in the population of
city
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the city
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. As the
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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supply of essentials to
city
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the city
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 is limited, it will lead to
surge
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a surge
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 in the price of basic necessities and will lead to exhaust of basic health facilities.
Third
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, if a large
number
Use synonyms
 of people will reside in cities,
then
Linking Words
 there will be
point
Add an article
a point
the point
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 when there will be no jobs available which will lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in
unemployment
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the unemployment
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 rate in the city.
This
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 might leads to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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 in criminal activities. The solution to
this
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issuse
Correct your spelling
issue
 is that an individual generally
migrate
Change the verb form
migrates
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 generally in search of better job opportunities and living conditions. If we will provide
better
Add an article
the better
a better
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 price of the crop to the farmers
then
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 they won't leave their occupation. And, if we ensure to improve educational and health
facilites
Correct your spelling
facilities
 in rural areas, it will eradicate the reason of migration due to the welfare of kids.
Submitted by harneettatla265 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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