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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#cultures #children #message
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It is widely conveyed a message to
children
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 that they are capable of whatever they want to fulfil if they strive enough. In my opinion, the mentioned message has both cros and pons.
This
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 essay will discuss both drawbacks and perks. On the one hand,
children
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 who are well aware of the importance of hard work are more likely to pave their way forward. The obstacles that they encounter do not away them from their aspirations. Thereby, they always tend to surpass their limitations.
For instance
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, a child who is confused about physics strives for better understanding even though he is not eager to
this
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 subject. From that perspective, it is a good method to prompt
children
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 with
this
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 type of speech.
Moreover
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, they do not solely focus on their interests they aspire to expand their knowledge in all subjects.
On the other hand
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, those deeply ingrained statements lead to unsatisfied
children
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. It is impossible to success all our goals. Life is encompassed slip-ups as much as achievements,
therefore
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 it is selfishness to remain
children
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 under pressure. Anytime they cannot be able to fulfill their goals they lean towards depression or anxiety. Parents and educators should avoid those kinds of statements for
children
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’s sake. They should hold conferences that present the significance of accepting life with ups and downs. So all in all they should convey the message that life is like a rollercoaster and it is unrealistic to walk on a constant path packed with achievements.
To conclude
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,
although
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 those kinds of pep talks offer motivation to
children
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 they
also
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 have some drawbacks to their expectations.
Submitted by aleynacanacikel on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, organize your essay more logically with clear paragraphing. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, followed by explanations or examples. Transition words can help the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
For task achievement, ensure you fully address both parts of the prompt: discussing both advantages and disadvantages clearly and equally. Include specific examples to illustrate your points and make them more convincing.
Language Proficiency
Check for spelling and grammatical errors as they can detract from the clarity of your message. Practice using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey your ideas more effectively.
Overall Essay Structure
Remember to have a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points without introducing new information. This will provide closure to your essay and reinforce your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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