Many animals species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#animals #species #world #people #countries #individuals #beings

Never has the topic concerning

that

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

protection of extinct

animals

failed to attract our

attention

However

, when it comes to whether protecting

animals

or paying

attention

to human beings,

people

hold divergent views. Some

people

are adamant that focusing on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

public social issues is

beneficialprior

Correct your spelling

beneficial prior

animals

protection.From my perspective, the two views are mutually exclusive.

People

should protect endangered

animals

for the balance of

ecosystem

Add an article

the ecosystem

an ecosystem

show examples

First

and foremost, all kinds of

animals

play

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

different roles in the biological chain. If a type of

creatures

Fix the agreement mistake

creature

show examples

disappeared, the

quantity

Change the quantifier

number

show examples

their

Correct pronoun usage

its

show examples

natural enemies will increase, while the number of its predators would dramatically drop. Under

such

circumstances, the balance of

ecosystem

Correct article usage

the ecosystem

show examples

would be destroyed, which will influence the survival of other species or even human beings,

Thus

, in order to keep the balance of nature, countries and individuals should protect these

animals

, which are in danger of dying out.

Although

the view of protecting extinct

animals

is beneficial, opponents claim that governments should concentrate

Correct your spelling

show examples

human beings’ problems rather than

animals

.On top of the list,human beings are facing many more emergent problems. Nowadays, many

people

in impoverished areas still suffer diseases and wars , and their security can not be guaranteed.f countries use the money for

animals

to provide food, tents and shelters for their citizens, the public could live a better life.

In addition

, countries’ financial budget and individuals’

attention

are limited., if they focus on

animals

’ protection, the expenses of other infrastructures would decrease.

For example

, if the government cut down expenses on

health

Add an article

the health

show examples

care system, many impoverished

people

would not afford

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

medical care .

Thus

,they will be underrated, underappreciated, underprivileged, which is inclined to make the convicts revenge our society to express their resentment and dissatisfaction . To sum up, protecting endangered

animals

and paying

attention

to individuals are equally profitable to the world. Only by integrating both can

be enjoy

Change the verb form

enjoy

show examples

the pleasure rather than pressure.

Submitted by 20429517 on Sun Aug 08 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

320 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many animals species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Large companies use sports events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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‘Some people think children should have the freedom to make mistakes, while other people believe that adults should prevent children from making mistakes.’ Discuss both sides and give your opinion