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Band 4.5

Many doctors say that people in today's world do not do enough physical exercise. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions are there to this problem?

#doctors #people #world #exercise
Physical fitness has a significant impact on the
health
 nowadays majority of the physicians state that humans
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
 have sufficient amount of physical training there are many reasons for
this
 situation in the following paragraph
im
Correct your spelling
I'm
 gonna put forth my reasons and situations
Firstly
 in the present generation most of the people
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle which causes
major
Add an article
a major
the major
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 effect on
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
health
 a person with
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 behind the desk all day has no interest in doing hard workouts after working hours
however
 some people they
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
 know the positive outcomes of having fitness both physically and mentally
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
show examples
 most of the population they have work to do
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 for long hours they
unconsiously
Correct your spelling
unconsciously
 forget the damage they are doing to there
health
furthermore
consideral
Correct your spelling
considerable
 amount of people they will there valuable free time spending with family or personal work
for instance
 if a person has no time in the weekdays he would
like
Add the particle
tolike
show examples
 spend his weekend by watching screens or having
funs
Change the verb form
funned
show examples
 with family On other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 these situations can be controlled by having some concern from the state government should conduct some awareness camps stating the advantages of having
physical
Add an article
a physical
show examples
 workout and sharing some information of the
health
 conditions that could be caused without having
regular
Add an article
a regular
show examples
 exercise
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
show examples
for example
 it is less likely to get diseases
such
 as obesity and hypertension with having fitness in daily life To conclude physical training plays an important role in having
a healthy and joyful life authorities
Correct the article-noun agreement
a healthy and joyful life authority
healthy and joyful life authorities
show examples
 should conduct some
compains
Correct your spelling
complaints
complains
company
 and take some preventive measures
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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