IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that there is less communication between family members today than there was in the past. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #members
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, talking to a connection in social media are more common rather than having a conversation with those physically around us, which I too believe that the interaction has reduced with our loved ones at home.
Firstly
Linking Words
, due to escalating living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
, both husband and wife need to work ensuring good quality of life for those under their care.
This
Linking Words
 takes out valuable family time from them, where they will need to spend most of it chasing money.
Secondly
Linking Words
, children nowadays are being overwhelmed with events after
school
Change the noun form
schools
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
tuitions
Fix the agreement mistake
tuition
show examples
 and extra-curricular activities. All these actions take out the interaction from those under the same roof as they barely meet each and other due to their busy schedules.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
introduction
Add an article
the introduction
show examples
 of gadgets and applications
such
Linking Words
 as smartphones, game consoles, and social media has made youngsters dependable
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 it. It gives them more excitement rather than sitting in a boring conversation with the people around them.
Finally
Linking Words
, sharing and conversing with someone
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media gives more freedom, whereas it will be a controlled chat with the family.
For instance
Linking Words
, a teenager would be comfortable
to share
Change the verb form
sharing
show examples
 a secret with someone from the same age group rather than their parents. In conclusion, parents need to set an example for their kids on showing how important is it to discuss as it will be bad for the relationship if there is no open discussion amongst them. They will need to set aside crucial family time
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 or during the weekend to create a better bonding so that it will not ruin the household.
Submitted by vinesh82 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: