IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
Some conscientious citizens believe that prices should be increased to pay for high amounts of sugar in various foods and beverages. In my opinion,
this
 particular decision may have a minor impact, but other changes should have led to more improvements. Proponents of
this
 policy argue that it has been effective in the past.
This
 is best known
as a result
 of the high prices of tobacco products in many
countries
 around the world.
For example
,
countries
 with low prices,
such
 as Indonesia, the Philippines, and India, have much higher smoking rates compared to other
countries
 that were set up for heavy loads.
In addition
, the income tax has limited effectiveness in relation to food, in many European
countries
, where sweet-fat products, the more expensive, the more there is a simultaneous decrease in the level of consumption.
However
, the more visible the implementation of efforts to introduce a luxury tax, the more people are willing to pay to satisfy their addiction and prefer to devote themselves to other areas. They are
therefore
 top-class solutions that could lead to more holistic and integrated government action.
This
, apparently, can be evidenced by the policy pursued in Japan. From an early age, children were fed healthy food at school and at home, and the state ensured the health of their consciousness through various programs and initiatives that are aimed at various demographic indicators.
As a result
, sugary foods and beverages occupy a place in society
that is
 noticeably smaller than in
countries
such
 as the United States, where the culture is focused on fast food, soft drinks, beverages, and ready-to-eat meals. A more complex approach should not be discounted simply because of the challenges in identifying and evaluating small steps that need to be coordinated and consistently implemented over several years. Summing up, it should be noted that immediate and most effective blocking of price growth is not recommended in comparison with longer-term actions.
Therefore
, the Government should conduct a long review and communicate them to the general public.
Submitted by 1339232976 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: