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Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #music #role #society #form #entertainment
The importance of music in our society has often been debated; while some
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 it to be merely a means of entertainment, others believe it plays a pivotal
role
 and must be encouraged.
This
 essay shall highlight how music is paramount for mental development, and
on the other hand
, can be inconsequential in making an impact on society. Hobbies and Interests
on
Change preposition
in
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 a job application can help a candidate set themselves apart in the views of an employer.
This
information
also
 allows for better cultural assessment, and
consequently
 a
better screened
Add a hyphen
better-screened
show examples
 pool of potential employees.
For example
, my friend had applied for the
role
 of a Wealth Management Associate at an international bank, which received thousands of applications for the same
role
. After a week, my friend was called for an interview, which covered his experiences and skillsets, followed by a hearty discussion on Cryptocurrencies. My friend has been an avid follower of and investor in cryptocurrencies
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and had mentioned the same in his application, which allowed him to
standout
Correct your spelling
stand out
show examples
 in the interviews and discuss his interest at length.
Subsequently
, he received the offer a week later
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and is now happily employed at the bank.
On the other hand
, employers may at times use personal
information
such
 as marital status to implicitly discriminate against married applicants.
For instance
, I had applied for a
role
 as an Operations Manager, the description of which was synonymous with my interests, and I was
subsequently
 shortlisted for an interview. During the
interview
Add a comma
,interview
show examples
 we discussed my work experience, skill set, among other things, which were a good match for the company’s requirements.
Additionally
, I highlighted the fact that I was married, and was open to working erratic timings
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if the job required so. The very
next
 day, I received a rejection email from the company, stating that they were looking for individuals
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
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 more ‘readily
available’
Correct your spelling
available
show examples
, despite my profile
being
Change the form of the verb
is
show examples
 a strong fit for the
role
. Personal
information
 can help an applicant distinguish themselves.
On the contrary
, it can help create prejudices against potential employees. In my opinion, personal
information
 should not be required of applicants for a job, since it doesn’t add any real value to
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their profile, and may occasionally be used to dismiss a job-seeker.
Submitted by vishrut.95 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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