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Writing Samples
Band 4

Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#education #component #school #program
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In many
countries
Add a comma
,countries
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 the discussion about financial
education
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 getting more serious due to
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
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 problems of
young
Add an article
the young
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 generation. Some people believed that financial
education
Use synonyms
 should be considered a mandatory subject at school. read comment The common problem for those young people is that they don’t know how to spend
money
Use synonyms
 in
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 way. As we can see many advertisements often carry out the message, “Only 10 dollars a week, no deposits” which is misleading
those young one
Change the determiner
that young one
those young ones
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think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
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 that living in debt is normal. Financial
education
Use synonyms
 is one of the solutions for
this
Linking Words
 problem we
mention
Change the form of the verb
mentioned
show examples
 above. The basic idea of financial
education
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 as a core school subject is to teach those young ones to understand the concept of using
money
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 and to estimate
a
Correct article usage
the
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 risk of borrowing
money
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 to buy something in the future. ...
However
Linking Words
, there's another factor we need to consider
about
Change preposition
apply
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. In my opinion, the role of financial
education
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 is getting more important and it should be a part of the school program but the parents are
also
Linking Words
 important and have
responsibility
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a responsibility
the responsibility
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 to teach their child to learn how to manage the
money
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. More than 70% of young people’s
money
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is come
Change to the active voice
comes
has come
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 from their parents.
In addition
Linking Words
, it has to be considered that a student might become
Use synonyms
money-mind
Correct article usage
a money-mind
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 person, talking about
money
Use synonyms
 all the time in class or even in a public place. It can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 some students and affect their normal social life. In conclusion, I believed that financial
education
Use synonyms
 will have a positive effect on all young ones and
other subject
Change the wording
another subject
other subjects
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such
Linking Words
social
Change preposition
as social
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 commutations should be considered just as important as financial
education
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by balasz1995 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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