IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Advertisements have great influence in determining what we buy. Some people think that there should be laws to control advertising while others argue that companies should be free to advertise however they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Advertisements
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 play a vital role in promoting a
company
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's sales.
However
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, it sometimes manipulates a consumer's behaviour excessively.
While
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advertisements
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 have both positive and negative aspects, I believe that their disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
This
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 essay will discuss its pros and cons and suggest reasons to support my opinion.
Advertisements
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 can benefit
consumers
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 because the Internet is full of ads, so they can shop at various shops and buy what they want.
For example
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, when
consumers
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 cannot decide between an expensive product made by a famous brand versus a lesser-known
company
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 offering a cheaper substitute, they can immediately compare the two products' prices by seeing their
advertisements
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.
Thus
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, ads can increase
consumers
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' awareness of the presence of many companies, enabling them to decide which one suits their needs.
However
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,
advertisements
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 may have negative impacts on a
company
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. Corporations tend to make too exaggerated
advertisements
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 to attract more customers.
For example
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, when a
company
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 promotes their diet equipment, they edit the photos of the models to make their bodies look skinnier and
beautiful
Correct quantifier usage
more beautiful
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 or make their muscles bigger.
Consumers
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 who see these misleading images will be convinced of the
products'
Correct your spelling
product's
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 effectiveness and immediately make their purchase.
However
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, the results of using them vary from person to person, so they might not meet the
consumers
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' expectations. If
this
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 happens, the
company
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 will lose its
consumers
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' trust and loyal customers and make smaller future profits. In conclusion,
while
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 ads benefit customers, I believe more people should be aware of the risks of being manipulated and wasting money on unnecessary products
due to
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 companies' misleading
advertisements
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.

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Task Response
To improve task response, make sure to address all parts of the prompt clearly. Provide balanced arguments for both views and give a clear opinion in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on structuring your essay more logically. Use transition words to link ideas and ensure a clear flow of information. Additionally, make sure your introduction clearly introduces the topic and your conclusion summarizes your arguments effectively.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • determine
  • laws
  • control
  • advertising
  • companies
  • free
  • protect
  • consumer
  • misleading
  • harmful
  • information
  • restrictions
  • deceptive
  • manipulative
  • practices
  • regulations
  • promote
  • ethical
  • business
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • informed
  • decisions
  • balancing
  • fair
  • competitive
  • marketplace
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