IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe it is better to study subjects that have practical applications. Others, however, think it is better to study subjects that are theoretical. Discuss both views.

#people #study #subjects #applications
Nowadays, most countries have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
legislation
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
banning smoking in public areas, and many
people
 think it is acceptable that if the smoker would like to
smoke
, they must leave the place.
Writer
Correct article usage
The writer
show examples
 agrees with
this
 policy because
this
 ban is able to protect
people
 who do not
smoke
 from secondhand
smoke
, and it can reduce the frequency of smoking. The
first
 reason is to protect
people
 who do not
smoke
 from secondhand
smoke
 because many non-smoking
people
 cannot avoid spending time with smokers in their daily life. It may
also
 be possible to take secondhand
smoke
 from their colleagues or family. For
this
 reason, some
people
 have a chance to get lung cancer.
For example
, my aunt who is a non-smoking person lived with her smoking husband
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and took a breath
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 toxic air from his
smoke
. After
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 she got lung cancer, and she still has been cured of the disease. Another reason is numerous smokers usually
smoke
 more than 3 times per day, so finding a place to
smoke
 is important for them. The law
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
banning smoking in public areas is significant to decrease the frequency of smoking. Because of the fact that it is hard to find a place to
smoke
.
Therefore
, some of them reduce
smoke
Correct pronoun usage
their smoke
show examples
 to once a day when they come back home.
For instance
, one of my colleagues used to
smoke
 all the time when he was in a club, but since
this
 ban has been announced, it is no longer legal to
smoke
 in public areas. He changed to smoking only twice when he went to a party. All in all, I totally agree with
this
 ban because it prevents non-smoking
people
 from secondhand
smoke
, and assists smokers to reduce
frequency
Add an article
the frequency
show examples
 to
smoke
.
Submitted by ramonthapat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: