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Band 5.5

Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen pencil or brush. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or a negative development?

#people #hand #pen #pencil #brush #development
With rapid technological advancement, the traditional practice of using pens, pencils or brushes on
papers
Fix the agreement mistake
paper
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 declining in popularity. There are a few reasons why
this
 is happening, and I believe
this
 is a positive trend. Nowadays, computers are used by employees across the world to communicate and get work done efficiently, be it locally or internationally.
Instead
 of writing letters using pencils or pens,
then
Correct word choice
and then
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 mailing
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 out for the recipient to receive within weeks, the computer is just a button away
for
Change preposition
from
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 the same letter
to appear
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appearing
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 and recipients are able to receive emails almost instantly. With
fast
Add an article
the fast
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 advancement of technology
for
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over
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 the past few decades, the speed
for
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of
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 these processes gets faster each year.
Therefore
,
this
 will help international business partners and multinational companies make prompt progress,
as well as
to
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apply
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allow economies to grow at a faster pace.
Additionally
, the invention of creative
art
 software in digital mobile devices allows artists to complete their
art
 commissions quickly and accurately. Unlike painting with traditional brushes,
which
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in which
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 a mistake cannot be undone on an
art
 piece, the functions available in creative
art
 software is forgiving of artists’ mistake as it allows them to remove a specific brush stroke and re-do it for a beautiful
art
 piece.
Therefore
, artists are able to improve their skills conveniently
while
 being able to meet the demands of their commissioners more efficiently and accurately than traditional
art
 methods. In conclusion, more people are using computers and mobile devices to execute their work and create
art
, respectively.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that computerised products are much more efficient and convenient than traditional practices with pen, pencil and brush.
Submitted by cerawangweiting on

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task response
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a clear position. However, ensure to provide more specific examples and elaborate on the points made to fully support the arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, providing a clear overview of the essay. Consider using linking words to improve the flow and coherence between sentences and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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