IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays, people spend more and more time away from their families. Why is this? What effect will it have on themselves and their families?

#people #time #families #effect
Today there is an impending trend that people fail to afford much
time
 with
families
. From my perspective,
such
 a tendency can be attributed to work/life imbalance, and I am not optimistic to its ramifications on individuals and
families
. Why the majority fail to have quality
time
 is a symptom of problem to which I see the reality pressure as an answer. Living in a consumer society, many individuals are inundated with a multitude of impediments embedded in everyday life, whether these be mortgage or educational costs of children. Only by pushing themselves to be workaholics can they earn more money to pay all bills. Another factor that deprives people of family life is their ambitions for career prospects: enterprising young minds aspire to
further
 personal careers,
thus
 leading to their venerating work over
families
. As for the implications of shrinking quality
time
 among younger generations, it is difficult for me to see it as anything other than a curse on both individuals and their
families
. The
first
 problem to realize is the threat to emotional bonds between family members – people spending more
time
 outside
families
 inevitably results in their missing out on many quality moments, whether it be the birthdays of their loved ones, or wedding anniversaries. To make thinks worse,
such
 a conundrum may put marriage into jeopardy: one of the key culprits leading to divorce among young couples is either party’s ignorance about
families
. From what has been discussed above, it is my conclusion
therefore
, being away from
families
 is the result of both economic pressure and career aspirations, and what concerns me more is the repercussions of
this
 trend on family relationships.
Submitted by 1339232976 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: