Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after shcool. Discuss both views
It is often argued that if people have an academic education, finding a suitable
job
can be guaranteed for them, while
others believe that students
should be attracted to the labor
market immediately after Change the spelling
labour
school
. This
essay will explain the benefits of both views, however
, in my opinion, professional careers need to have a related degree
that makes employees knowledgeable and effective.
On the one hand, continuing studying at university
after school
and getting a degree
related to a job
is a reliable way in many societies to guarantee a profitable job
in the future
, so many students
choose universally study and gain a degree
in an academic major. For instance
, many students
in my country study science-based fields in university
such
as IT engineering and computers to find grantee work in future
due to
the development of technology in recent decades.
On the other hand
, many people claim that studying after school
is a kind of a waste of money and students
are obliged to pay university
tuition to gain an degree
academic in which their career future
is not clear. Therefore
, they believe that if students
find a job
immediately after school
, they will gain more experience and more money, as a result
, they even establish their own businesses in future
and they do not waste their time at educational institutions. For example
, in my country, many successful founders of big and well-known companies do not have an academic education and they absorbed the job
market when they were a child.
To sum up
, although
, getting a job
after school
can save money and time for students
and give more experience them, studying an academic major at university
can give students
more knowledge and it is a reliable way to get related job
opportunities in future
. In my estimation, due to
the progress of technology society needs more professional workers.Submitted by Behnaz_rashidian on
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task achievement
Your response addresses both sides of the argument and presents a clear position. However, consider balancing the explanation for each view more equally for a more thorough discussion.
task achievement
You have provided examples, but they could be more specific and detailed to strengthen your points. Try to give real-life cases or statistics where possible.
task achievement
To enhance your ideas, ensure that each main point is fully developed and explained. Some arguments could be elaborated further to show deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
Work on smoothing the transition between some of your points to make your essay more cohesive. Use linking phrases and words to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
language
In some places, there are minor grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings. Proofread your work or have someone else review it to catch these issues.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, both of which effectively summarize the central argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, with each paragraph addressing a distinct point of view.
task achievement
You have incorporated relevant examples to support your viewpoint, which adds to the persuasiveness of your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.