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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people use the Internet for the solution to their medical problem. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and example from your experience

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The advance of technology has let
people
Use synonyms
 start doing some things by themself.
Such
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 as saying the statement, some of these things look for the solution to their medical
problems
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. I think that many times it could be positive
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when it is a minor medical problem, but when it is an important medical problem that could be negative.
Therefore
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 I will explain the cases I consider positive and the negative cases. On one hand,
people
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 who use the
internet
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 to look, not the solution to their medical problem, but to determine what kind of sickness they could have.
For example
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, if someone feels a strange sensation in his nose, he could look on the
internet
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 and find that
problems
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 of the nose can be attended by a head
specialist
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.
As a result
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, he can go directly to
this
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specialist
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, saving time.
Additionally
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, they will spend less money, because they don´t have to pay
first
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 to a general doctor, just to redirect them to the
specialist
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.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 experience could be negative if you try to diagnosticate yourself and start a natural treatment for your symptoms.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 go beyond medicating themself, using the
internet
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 to look for a medication to attack their symptoms. That behaviour is bad because normally the
people
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 don't have the knowledge to determine exactly what sickness do they have, nor to determine the doses of the medicines.
Although
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 that could finish bad, nowadays it is very normal to find
people
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 medicating them selfs. In summary,
Such
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 as I mentioned at the beginning, I think that use the
internet
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 for the solution of medical
problems
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, could be positive for a
first
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 opinion or minor
problems
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. But when a symptom appears frequently you must go to visit a
specialist
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 with the competence to
diagnostic
Replace the word
diagnose
show examples
 adequately.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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