IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today due to advanced medicine, people are living longer. Therefore, the number of elders is expected to exceed that of young people. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, down to the blessing of contemporary medical science, human beings can live in
this
Linking Words
 world for a longer period compared to the past.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of senior citizens would be larger than the
number
Use synonyms
 of youngsters
has come
Verb problem
,
show examples
along with
Linking Words
 a
number
Use synonyms
 of upsides,
together with
Linking Words
 downsides.
However
Linking Words
, I wholeheartedly deem that having a large
number
Use synonyms
 of old
people
Use synonyms
 is more of a blow on the grounds that a
country
Use synonyms
 has to spend more money
for taking
Change preposition
to take
show examples
 care of them, and with a low
number
Use synonyms
 of workforces, it is next to impossible to complete in the ferocious global market. One of the predominant disadvantages of having a huge
number
Use synonyms
 of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 is that the government of a state needs to spend money on different facilities, especially, dedicated for them,
such
Linking Words
 as building old age homes,
providing
Correct word choice
and providing
show examples
 special incentives for medical treatments, to name but a few.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, that
country
Use synonyms
 will face a shortage of funds for investing in more pressing social issues, namely, education, health, security, and
suchlike
Correct your spelling
the like
show examples
, causing discontent among the public. To cite an example, in South Africa, the social benefit amount for the advanced age
people
Use synonyms
 is higher than the benefit amount for the unemployed
people
Use synonyms
, resulting in the increasing
number
Use synonyms
 of violent activities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the higher the
number
Use synonyms
 of elderly
people
Use synonyms
, the higher will be
governments’
Change noun form
government’s
show examples
 investment in the unproductive field, engendering many social issues. Another decisive downside of having a low
number
Use synonyms
 of young
people
Use synonyms
 is that a nation cannot compete in the dog-eat-dog world with these human resources.
In other words
Linking Words
, if a
country
Use synonyms
 has a large
number
Use synonyms
 of adolescents, it is possible to boost the economy by applying their state-of-the-art knowledge, expertise,
skills
Correct word choice
and skills
show examples
, to mention but a few, leading a
country
Use synonyms
 to become a developed and independent state.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, with a large
number
Use synonyms
 of unproductive elderly
people
Use synonyms
, it is not possible to develop new things and compete with other countries. To exemplify, China has become the leader of all other states only because of productive juveniles. In conclusion, having a large
number
Use synonyms
 of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 indubitably results in numerous drawbacks.
Hence
Linking Words
, from my point of view, the edges, if there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 any, are far outweighed by the downsides.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance the task response, elaborate more on the advantages of an ageing population, providing a balanced view with examples.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly and logically connects back to the main argument.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets up the argument and position taken in the essay, making the reader aware of what to expect.
relevant specific examples
Examples are relevant to the arguments made and help illustrate the points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • longevity
  • geriatric population
  • intergenerational
  • volunteering
  • medical advancements
  • economic contribution
  • cultural perspective
  • healthcare expenditures
  • age-friendly
  • ageism
  • public policies
  • demographic shifts
  • economic stability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: