IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the best way to improve health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others,However,say that this woud have little effect on public health and that other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #health #sports #facilities #woud #effect #measure
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The best way to improve
health
Use synonyms
 according to some
people
Use synonyms
 is by participating in more
sports
Use synonyms
 activities.
However
Linking Words
, others feel there is little impact on public
health
Use synonyms
 and other measures are necessary.In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I would be talking about the former and the latter view and extend my support to the latter view. Few
people
Use synonyms
 feel that
sports
Use synonyms
 alone are enough to improve mind and body
health
Use synonyms
.another group of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that building some
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 in the community would not be effective without
health
Use synonyms
 education campaigns. It is undeniable that a
health
Use synonyms
 campaign is an essential matter since it is important to open the mind of the public about having a healthy lifestyle. The campaign should be well prepared, socialised properly and implemented thoroughly,
therefore
Linking Words
, the public will get the awareness about healthy lifestyles. Once
people
Use synonyms
 have realised about the lifestyles,
then
Linking Words
 they would utilise the
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 that have been built by the Government. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that the best solution for improving public
health
Use synonyms
 is by providing a lot of
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 in
Add an article
the
show examples
society. The existence of jogging tracks
facilities
Use synonyms
, athletic fields, basketball halls or football grounds in residential areas would trigger the residents in doing some exercises. With the increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 who do physical exercises, it is expected that the rate of several diseases which are caused by unhealthy lifestyles,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetics, heart attack or obesity would be reduced.
Consequently
Linking Words
, public
health
Use synonyms
 expenditures would be declined and could be allocated for other important aspects
such
Linking Words
 as education or public transportation. There are ample reasons to tell why
sports
Use synonyms
 alone cannot improve public
health
Use synonyms
.The primary reason is that all the
people
Use synonyms
 cannot play
sports
Use synonyms
 or they may not be a fan of it.
For instance
Linking Words
, old
people
Use synonyms
 who are 75 plus years of age cannot play cricket ,football or basketball,But they can improve their
health
Use synonyms
 by going for regular walks twice a day. Children who do not like
sports
Use synonyms
 could do meditation in order to improve their concentration and
also
Linking Words
 to sharpen their mental skills.According to research conducted by the All India Institute Of Medical Sciences, about 80% of
people
Use synonyms
 who meditate daily early in the morning for about 30 minutes tend to live a long,healthy and happy life. Apart from all
this
Linking Words
 a balanced diet plays a very important role. In conclusion, several
people
Use synonyms
 think that adding more
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 in the neighbourhood would improve public
health
Use synonyms
, but others believe that it would only have a small effect. There are other things that should
also
Linking Words
 be prepared
besides
Linking Words
 building the
facilities
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I do believe that building some
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 in residential areas should be aligned with
health
Use synonyms
 education campaigns,
therefore
Linking Words
, the
facilities
Use synonyms
 would be utilised by the public.
Submitted by arv_70 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: