IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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The degradation of the environment has sparked considerable debate, with some arguing that the primary concern is the loss of
biodiversity
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, particularly the
extinction
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 of certain
species
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 of plants and animals.
Conversely
Linking Words
, others contend that more pressing environmental challenges,
such
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 as
climate
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change
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 and
pollution
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, warrant greater attention.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own view. On the one hand, the
extinction
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 of
species
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 poses significant threats to ecosystems.
Biodiversity
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 plays a crucial role in maintaining ecological balance, as each
species
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 contributes to food chains, pollination, and natural resource cycles.
For instance
Linking Words
, the disappearance of key pollinators
such
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 as bees could disrupt agricultural production, leading to food shortages and economic instability.
Moreover
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, the loss of plant
species
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 could diminish medicinal discoveries, given that many pharmaceutical drugs originate from natural compounds.
Thus
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, safeguarding
biodiversity
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 is essential for sustaining both environmental and human well-being.
On the other hand
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, broader environmental issues,
such
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 as
climate
Use synonyms
change
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, deforestation, and
pollution
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, are arguably of greater consequence.
Climate
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change
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, driven by greenhouse gas emissions, is causing rising global temperatures, leading to extreme weather events, rising sea levels, and habitat destruction.
Additionally
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, industrial
pollution
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 contaminates air, water, and soil, directly affecting human health and
biodiversity
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. Deforestation, another major issue, not only leads to
species
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extinction
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 but
also
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 accelerates carbon emissions, exacerbating global warming.
Therefore
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, addressing these systemic problems is critical, as they have far-reaching consequences beyond individual
species
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. In my opinion,
while
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 the loss of
biodiversity
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 is undeniably a serious concern, it is largely a symptom of broader environmental issues
such
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 as
climate
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change
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 and habitat destruction. Tackling these root causes should be prioritized, as doing so would inherently mitigate
species
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extinction
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. A holistic approach that addresses
pollution
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, deforestation, and global warming will provide more sustainable and long-term solutions to environmental degradation.

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coherence and cohesion
While the overall structure is strong, consider summarizing the key points in the conclusion more explicitly to reinforce the argument and leave a stronger impact on the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the transitions between points are smooth. Adding a few more linking words could enhance the flow of ideas and make connections clearer.
task achievement
In the introduction, you might want to clearly indicate your stance as part of your thesis statement to guide the reader more effectively through your argument.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of both perspectives and provides a comprehensive discussion of the environmental issues involved, showing strong knowledge of the topic.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the role of bees in pollination and the impact of industrial pollution on health, enhances the argument and illustrates key points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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