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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Governments around the world spend too much money on treating illnesses and diseases and not enough on health education and prevention. Do you agree or disagree with the statement

#governments #world #money #illnesses #diseases #health #education #prevention
Many people believe the authorities spend much less
money
 on health education and prevention than on treating illnesses. I admit
such
statement
Correct article usage
a statement
show examples
 and will explain my thoughts in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, it is a
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
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 fact that lots of
money
is
Change the verb form
are
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 invested in medicine every day. Some countries substantially benefit from it
with
Change preposition
by
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 providing lessons at school and buying the newest devices to solve hard medical issues.
However
, the majority of countries can not allocate a budget right and
consequently
 throw the vast amount of
money
 away. Unfortunately, in
this
case
Add a comma
,case
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money
 is spent and no improvements are done.
Moreover
,
in
Change preposition
apply
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all the news sources publish
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about how many dollars were spent on medicine reforms in each country what looks hilarious.
Secondly
, the more attention will be paid to health, the more people will be aware of different types of diseases. The coronavirus is a great example in nowadays conditions. When the number of ill people started to grow and the percentage of deaths increased rapidly, authorities took quick
actions
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action
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.
First
, many billboards and advertising campaigns around the cities contained information about how to keep distance, wash hands and if possible to stay at home.
Furthermore
, visiting public places without a mask was forbidden.
Finally
, there was a decline in the incidence rate for some period. To sum up, both treating illnesses and health education are important. In my opinion, if more
money
 goes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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education,
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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number
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 of diseases will be in the future.
Submitted by mats180707 on

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