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Writing Samples
Band 7

Discussion In many countries, more and more men are staying at home to look after their children when women work full-time. What are the reasons? Is it a positive or negative development?

#discussion #countries #men #home #children #women #work #development
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It has been observed that
men
 these days look after their offspring, but
women
 do work full-time. There are potential reasons behind
this
 tendency,
such
 as less education and less work effectiveness. In my opinion,
this
 is a negative trend that should be balanced.
Firstly
, these days
women
 do
jobs
 after maternity leave
while
 their husbands nurture their children because
women
 possess higher education qualifications than
men
.
Consequently
, companies hire
women
 because they are suitable candidates for the vacancies.
According to
 a survey report, 60% of
men
 in The USA do not work as their wives earn a livelihood because they cannot get a job
due to
 less education.
Therefore
,
this
 is the prominent reason why
men
 stay home to take care of their babies.
Secondly
,
according to
 The Times, companies prefer hiring female candidates rather than male candidates.
This
 inclination is because
women
 do their
jobs
 with full concentration, which gives them full effectiveness. Here is the problem: when
men
 do not do their
jobs
 with 100% accuracy, in resultant companies start looking for alternatives that they find in
women
. Undoubtedly,
men
 can do anything, but other aspects of their lives affect their careers, like falling in love, using drugs, and running around with friends. These limitations, if they can deal with it, their lifestyle could change.
To conclude
,
men
 nurture their juveniles as their female partners go to full-time
jobs
.
This
 is because of carelessness about their careers and not having a good qualification to earn a job for themselves.
This
 issue
men
 can resolved through the concentration on ourselves.
Submitted by gurhunjjan47 on

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coherence
Strengthen the connections between your points to enhance the overall coherence of your essay. Use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments smoothly.
task response
While the essay addresses both parts of the task, further clarification and development of some ideas would lead to a more comprehensive response. Provide more detailed explanations and consider counterarguments.
support
Ensure that your main points are consistently supported by relevant examples and evidence. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
introduction/conclusion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in providing a structured response to the task.
examples
The use of specific examples, such as the survey report and reference to The Times, adds credibility to your argument.
complete response
Your essay addresses both the reasons for the trend and whether it is a positive or negative development, demonstrating a good understanding of the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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