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Band 7

Some schools have restricted the use of mobile phones. Is this a Positive or a negative development

#schools #phones #development
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In today's situation, where mostly all individual has at least one mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 in their hand. Some academic institutions have restricted the use of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 as a reaction. There are many opinions regarding the action.
While
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 some agreed, I believe the disadvantages of
this
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 restriction outweigh the advantages. The upside of the obligation is there are fewer distractions from the use of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, we can do everything from a single
phone
Use synonyms
. Chat on WhatsApp, surf on Google, or socialise on X and Instagram.
Not to mention
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 if there is a sound leak from the user of the
phone
Use synonyms
, imagine if it happens during exam time. It will bother the entire class.
Although
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 the statements above are debatable, bringing mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 has advantages more than disadvantages. Students are able to immediately search by themself if they are still confused about the class before,
thus
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 there won't be a time gap between the confusion and the knowledge search. Forgot is a very human thing to happen, there are huge chance the person will forget what they want to search for and end up forgetting it.
Moreover
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, mobile
phones
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 are used to communicate. In an emergency, a
phone
Use synonyms
 will have an enormous role.
For instance
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, someone suddenly sick or the worst case is in danger. In
this
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 kind of situation calling some people might be the best solution. Of course, The reasons I mentioned only work when the students are aware that the purpose of going to
school
Use synonyms
 is to study. After all, they can play with their devices after
school
Use synonyms
. In short, the advantages of the restriction of using mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 in
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
 are reasonable. I strongly believe
this
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 restriction is a negative development since using mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
 is still needed, especially in emergency situations that require one to call another.
Submitted by semangatbanget.s2 on

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task achievement
Consider refining your introduction by presenting a clearer thesis statement that explicitly states your stance on the development being either positive or negative. This will make your argument more straightforward to the reader.
task achievement
Enhance your essay by offering more specific examples and evidence to support your points. While you mentioned several advantages and disadvantages of mobile phone restrictions in schools, providing more detailed scenarios or statistics could bolster your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph organization by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This can be achieved through clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Avoid informal language and strive for a more academic tone throughout your essay. Phrases like 'Forgot is a very human thing to happen' can be rephrased for clarity and formality.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments without introducing new information. Restate your main points and clearly reaffirm your stance to ensure a strong finish to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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