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Band 5.5

Research shows that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, advertising for certain food products should be banned, in the same way as cigarette advertising is banned in many countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#research #food #products #cigarette #countries
With the development of
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 industry, overeating is a prevalent phenomenon in most countries today. Some argue that
advertisement
 of certain
food
 should be banned as
cigarette
Add an article
a cigarette
show examples
 does, given its potential hazards.
From
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion, it cannot be a wise decision.
This
 article will do the explanation. On one hand, the sales of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain
food
 product might drop dramatically after their
advertisements
 are banned with might result in the country losing its profits. We must recognize the fact that the sale of a specific
food
is greatly boost
Change the verb form
is greatly boosted
is greatly boosting
show examples
 through advertising. Specifically,
advertisement
 serves as a justification of the quality of
food
 on the account that the
food
 must have been scientifically proofed to be eligible in advance of advertising. The forbidden of advertising will result in
people
 changing their perception
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 certain dishes which will result in
food
 producer losing their popularity.
In other words
, it might cause the
food
 manufacturers
losing
Change the verb form
to lose
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 clientele and
then
 facing
bankrupt
Replace the word
bankruptcy
show examples
.
Therefore
, banning
advertisement
 in
food
Add an article
the food
show examples
 industry might be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unwise decision.
On the other hand
, the opponents of the above statement should claim that the
advertisements
 of certain foods are making
people
 more and more committed to their instant impulse for
food
instead
 of their health. More specifically, similar to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cigarettes, it instigates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ordinary
people
 to purchase
food
 that they do not necessarily need.
However
, they failed to recognize the fact that
advertisement
Correct article usage
the advertisement
show examples
 of cigarettes is banned due to its addictiveness, which does not exist
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 normal foods.
People
 can break the habit of overeating with ease since they do so because they know nothing about the consequences of overeating. In
this
 case,
instead
 of banning
advertisements
, governments should launch
awareness
Add an article
an awareness
show examples
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
show examples
 about overeating and thereby minimize the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
people
 suffer from
Correct your spelling
overeating
show examples
over eating
Correct your spelling
overeating
show examples
.
Thus
, the opponents have overstated the severity level of
advertisement
. Simply put, since the
advertisements
 of certain
food
 products can boost its sales, I disagree with the given statement.
Submitted by pengist on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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