IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Research shows that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, advertising for certain food products should be banned, in the same way as cigarette advertising is banned in many countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#research #food #products #cigarette #countries
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With the development of
Use synonyms
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 industry, overeating is a prevalent phenomenon in most countries today. Some argue that
advertisement
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 of certain
food
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 should be banned as
cigarette
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a cigarette
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 does, given its potential hazards.
From
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In
show examples
 my opinion, it cannot be a wise decision.
This
Linking Words
 article will do the explanation. On one hand, the sales of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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certain
food
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 product might drop dramatically after their
advertisements
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 are banned with might result in the country losing its profits. We must recognize the fact that the sale of a specific
food
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is greatly boost
Change the verb form
is greatly boosted
is greatly boosting
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 through advertising. Specifically,
advertisement
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 serves as a justification of the quality of
food
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 on the account that the
food
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 must have been scientifically proofed to be eligible in advance of advertising. The forbidden of advertising will result in
people
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 changing their perception
on
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of
show examples
 certain dishes which will result in
food
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 producer losing their popularity.
In other words
Linking Words
, it might cause the
food
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 manufacturers
losing
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to lose
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 clientele and
then
Linking Words
 facing
bankrupt
Replace the word
bankruptcy
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, banning
advertisement
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 in
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food
Add an article
the food
show examples
 industry might be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unwise decision.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the opponents of the above statement should claim that the
advertisements
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 of certain foods are making
people
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 more and more committed to their instant impulse for
food
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instead
Linking Words
 of their health. More specifically, similar to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cigarettes, it instigates
the
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apply
show examples
ordinary
people
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 to purchase
food
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 that they do not necessarily need.
However
Linking Words
, they failed to recognize the fact that
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advertisement
Correct article usage
the advertisement
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 of cigarettes is banned due to its addictiveness, which does not exist
on
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in
show examples
 normal foods.
People
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 can break the habit of overeating with ease since they do so because they know nothing about the consequences of overeating. In
this
Linking Words
 case,
instead
Linking Words
 of banning
advertisements
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, governments should launch
awareness
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an awareness
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campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
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 about overeating and thereby minimize the
amount
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number
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 of
people
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 suffer from
Correct your spelling
overeating
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over eating
Correct your spelling
overeating
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.
Thus
Linking Words
, the opponents have overstated the severity level of
advertisement
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. Simply put, since the
advertisements
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 of certain
food
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 products can boost its sales, I disagree with the given statement.
Submitted by pengist on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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