IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

In many cities today, most people live in large apartment blocks. Does this kind of accomodation have more advantages or disadvantages?

#cities #people #apartment #blocks #accomodation
In present years, many
population
Change to a plural noun
populations
show examples
 stay in huge
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
 building.
Although
 some
people
 think the benefit of living in massive accommodation blocks
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
there are
also
 some drawbacks. One evident benefit of most
people
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 to live in the enormous flat block, because
mostly
Replace the word
most
show examples
 big apartments are located in the major city, making it more convenient for
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
. Because, the downtown
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
are contain
Change the verb form
contains
show examples
 the vital business, modern technology and
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
 transportation
that is
 useful and helping social life
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier.
For instance
, the transit system
skytrain
Change the capitalization
Skytrain
SkyTrain
show examples
 in Siam square of Bangkok
are really benefit
Change the verb form
are really benefited
are really benefiting
show examples
 for that
people
 to commute from work to apartment.
As a result
,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 are could
aviod
Correct your spelling
avoid
 rush hours traffic congestion that making them do not get the pressure and have spare time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 spend with their family.
On the other hand
, there are obvious
disadventages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 to inhabit in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge apartment. It would
be have
Correct your spelling
behave
show examples
 not private for
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 even their have the massive area, as the space design and construction just only one block, so
this
 could cause them do not have privacy in their life.
Therefore
, if they
are need
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to separate the room, they
are have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to
rebuide
Correct your spelling
rebuild
 the accommodation. Overall, it is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 living in
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 apartment could be more
benefitcail
Correct your spelling
beneficial
, despite some
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
.
However
,
people
 can tackle that problem.
Submitted by rabbit_big12 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: