People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Lifestyle often affects
people
's health
, such
bad habits will lead to certain illnesses. A number of people
said that someone who does not have healthy habits should pay more for his own health
care
. I disagree with this
opinion because it is not fair to charge someone more if he obtains the same treatment as someone who has a healthy lifestyle. I think that people
who have unhealthy lifestyles will go for health
care
frequently, and it is enough to become their consideration for changing their lifestyles.
The same health
care
should require the same bill, as long as the number of necessities and procedures are the same. The treatment for each illness
should be the same. It can be different,
when the Remove the comma
apply
illness
has a different level. For instance
, if I get influenza so does my friend, we can be cured by exactly the same medicine. But, if my condition is worse than my friend's, then
I need an extra cure for it, extra
price can be considered. Add an article
the extra
Thus
, it is not fair to add an extra price for the same illness
.
If the goal of increasing the bill is changing unhealthy to healthy lifestyles, the frequency of going to health
care
is enough. The more they go for health
care
, the more expenditure they have. Also
, the pain of illness
often bothers their daily activity. For example
, I can not read and understand a story when my head is dizzy. Therefore
, the pain of illness
should be enough to increase health
awareness.
In conclusion, adding additional bills for caring for people
who have unhealthy habits is not fair, since the medicine is the same. Besides
that, the pain of the illness
is enough to increase their health
awareness.Submitted by ivannizar on
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task response
Your essay addresses the task and provides reasons for your opinion. However, consider providing more detailed examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments. For instance, statistical data or real-life cases could make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are clearly presented, and the structure of your essay is logical. To improve coherence, try using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, words like 'moreover,' 'furthermore,' and 'on the other hand' can help guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of words and phrases. For instance, the phrase 'if I get influenza so does my friend' could be rephrased for variety. This will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay well. This helps the reader understand your main argument from the beginning.
task response
Your main points are clearly stated and supported with relevant examples. This shows that you can organize your ideas effectively and provide evidence to back them up.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, with each paragraph building on the previous one. This makes it easy to follow your line of reasoning.
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