IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think it is acceptable to use animals for the benefit of humans. Other people think it is wrong to exploit animals for human purposes. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #animals #benefit #humans #purposes
Nowadays, people face a dilemma whether or not
animals
 should be exploited for human purposes.
This
 essay will debate the significance of
animals
 in our world today before coming to the conclusion that, ultimately, it is no longer feasible to use produce from
animals
 for our development Some argue that we vitally rely on
animals
’ products in order for surviving.
Humans
 do need food from them to consume.
For example
, pork is still a necessary product in our meal. It is undeniable that
humans
 cannot be vegan.
This
 is highlighted in a survey.. that we need meat to control hormones and create protein.
Furthermore
, in some cold countries,
humans
also
 need their fur to wear.
However
, the aforementioned argument seems less convincing to me because we have alternatives with superior properties to replace
animals
’ roles. When it comes to meat,
humans
 are now able to create lab-grown meat with superior qualities without killing innocent
animals
. In terms of medicine, animal testing is now obsolete as better alternatives
such
 as testing on viruses or bacteria are proved far more accurate.
Furthermore
,
humans
 should give up believing myths
such
 as rhino horn can cure cancer because it just only leads to the deaths of innocent
animals
. And it was proved that Long An mushroom can do these tasks more effectively. As
such
,
this
 demonstrates that
humans
 have found numerous alternatives to deal with our problems and exploiting
animals
 to meet our demand is not necessary.
Although
 some have reasons to exploit
animals
, I still concur with the idea that
humans
 have better options to cope with our issues rather than killing innocent
animals
.
Submitted by Quan pham on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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