IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

shopping is dangerous because it makes people selfish, and careless with money. do you agree or disagree.

#people #money
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In
this
 globalisation era, shopping is
one
 of the
populat
Correct your spelling
popular
 leisure
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
. A lion share of society
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that people are becoming more selfish and careless with cash sure to shopping. I completely agree with
this
 statement and give my explanation in upcoming paragraphs before forming an opinion. With regards to, shopping is kind of relaxing therapy for
major
Add an article
a major
the major
show examples
 part of society, but if someone is doing it in excess it has dangerous effects on our physical and emotional aspects of
life
. There should be limits
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 everything.
Moreover
, it will lead to self-centeredness in masses as if they are more into it.
For instance
, in India, data of 2010 clearly represents that 65%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 are wasting their major amount of
money
 on buying things just to feel pleasure in their
life
. Customers are even going into depression and mental stress after wasting whole cash
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 shopping.
However
, buying useful products just for the sake of your happiness will even disturb people physically and tight their pockets.
One
 should need to keep savings for any mishappening and other bad circumstances in
life
.
Furthermore
, it is important to be very discipline
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
nad
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 managed
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your
money
 so that
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 should invest it more mannerly.
For instance
, a survey from
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, In 2018 shows that 60%
citizens
Change preposition
of citizens
show examples
didnot
Correct your spelling
did not
 had savings or
money
 for health services as they wasted all amount on buying mobile phones and branded clothes.
One
 must have
major
Add an article
a major
the major
show examples
 share of
money
fortheir
Correct your spelling
for their
 health and other important services. To recapitulate, shopping is
one
 of the stress buster and pleasure activity but masses need to know their limits and they should know the importance of
money
 in
life
.
Submitted by upneetsaini06 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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