IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
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The enthusiasm for famous
people
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 is increasingly more in our time by making them always in the centre. Today, celebrities’ glamourous lifestyle and money become more intriguing for the audience than their success
stories
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 which create a bad
example
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 for a younger generation.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue that famous
people
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’s
stories
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 affect positively
to
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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younger
people
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. There is a controversy about some celebrities that whether they deserved to become famous due to their achievements. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is the most of them being just lucky
people
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 for experiencing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overnight fame.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 the lack of qualities for success causes their need to exhibit their excessive lifestyle and became a public figure for the way they live. Indeed, social media influencers are the most obvious
example
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for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 category. Sharing their choices and entertainment concept is the attractive element for their fame. Consecutively, there is not much left for famous
people
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 to share if they do not have any achievement from the different waves of life. On the other
Add a comma
,side
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side real
Correct your spelling
sidereal
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 successful
people
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 increasingly displays a good
example
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 to the young
people
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 for their future lives. The attention given to any field massively thanks to the related growth of social media
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, the young learn to appreciate the achievements since they are considered as rare. The positive aspect is born from the envy
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
stories
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 of these
people
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.
For
Linking Words
example
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,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 Report of Children Education done by USA Authorities the 45% of children are eager to learn the difficulties but admire the
stories
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 told by qualified interviewees.
As a result
Linking Words
, celebrities make the rareness of the achievements even more attractive than it was thought before.
This
Linking Words
 essay argued that the lives of celebrities cause depressing wishes for new generations day by day. I completely agree with the opinion of in today’s world being famous creates a false image for young
people
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 by making them desire to have wealth without any hard work, which leads
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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get
Change the verb form
getting
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 disappointed because of fate.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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