IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Directors and managers of organizations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#directors #managers #organizations #people #leaders
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Top management,
for example
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, directors and managers, play an important role in monitoring businesses and making the right decisions.
People
Use synonyms
 who are suitable for these positions should have sufficient technical knowledge
as well as
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 managing skills. Nowadays, organisations’
leaders
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 are often older
people
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.
However
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, some
people
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 comment that it is better to have young
leaders
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.
This
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 essay will elaborate on the reasons why I agree that young
people
Use synonyms
 should be
leaders
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.
First,
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it is challenging for older
people
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 to work with
people
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 from younger generations since their thought processes and logic are completely different
due to
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 changes in
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 and technological development.
Also
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, they value different things. To give a clear example, when it comes to decision-making time, older
leaders
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 tend to choose low-risk choices, even though they take more time. Meanwhile, young
leaders
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 can accept the higher risk, so they will pick the most efficient option.
Second,
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young
leaders
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 have up-to-date information which is useful for businesses in the modern world.
On the other hand
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, older
leaders
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 stick with the traditional way of working and thinking. There are new technologies that have been developed in recent years. It would be beneficial for the organisation to implement those tools in operations.
For example
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, we can utilise an artificial intelligence program when we want to find information on certain topics. The program will generate structured answers and references for us.
To sum up
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, there are many advantages of having young
leaders
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such
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 as better teamwork and efficient ways of working. From the reasons above, I agree that young
people
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 should be
leaders
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.
Submitted by Punpun on

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task achievement
You presented a clear position on the issue and supported it with relevant examples. To improve, consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position further.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct point. However, you could enhance clarity by providing more specific transitions between ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay’s argument.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant examples that support the main points, which enhances the clarity of your argument.
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