In this technological era, personal information is stored on computers by many companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In the modern world, technology plays an important role in people’s lives.
However
, it is the responsibility of computers to collect individual input in several collaborations. Personally, I realise that the pros and cons of storing information can be a controversial topic to discuss.
This
essay will examine how the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, there are crucial reasons why the storage of personal
data
on a desktop is good. One reason for
this
view is that, in terms of business, gathering many files and documents,
such
as Gmail, Hotmail, and others, should be kept private.
Additionally
,
this
action leads numerous organisations to be well-organised and easy to find.
Hence
, these files are easier to use than paper-based documents for personal
data
effectively.
Secondly
, the safety of programs can undoubtedly generate a double standard to protect users’ secrets, which is safer than keeping them in the storage room.
On the other hand
, I believe that it possibly brings about some drawbacks for several reasons. The first and most obvious reason is that spam messages are viruses, which might risk hacked issues.
Moreover
, the system of computer seems harder to access, but some groups of thieves are likely to exploit it for illegal purposes. A good case in the point is the call centre,
due to
the fact that they try to hack some large companies, which results in stealing customer
data
and private info.
Hence
,
this
outcome might destroy the customers’ trust. In conclusion, even though keeping
data
on the desktop can be beneficial, it
also
has some drawbacks. Personally, I reckon that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of
this
statement.
Submitted by sasinipapj on

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Task Achievement
Make sure you directly address the question in your introduction and throughout your essay. Stating your opinion clearly in the introduction helps to set the tone.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more varied sentence constructions to enhance the flow of your essay. This adds complexity and sophistication to your writing.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
You clearly structured your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is excellent for reader understanding.
Task Achievement
You've maintained a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages before stating your own view, which is good for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological era
  • personal information
  • service optimisation
  • tailored advertising
  • personalized services
  • data breaches
  • misuse of information
  • ethical implications
  • explicit consent
  • encryption
  • data protection
  • General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR)
  • security measures
  • legal framework
  • consumer awareness
  • data literacy
  • decentralization
  • blockchain technology
  • convenience
  • privacy
  • digital age
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