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Band 5

Some people think that government should spend money on railways. Other believe that there should be more investment into new roads. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #government #money #railways #investment #roads
In the midst of
this
 technology-driven global world,
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
people
 travelling on day to day basis
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been increased.
Therefore
 government should expend money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 developing the current travelling modes. Some
people
 think that government should invest more
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
road
traffic
,
however
 , in my opinion, I strongly
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 ,
authority
Add an article
the authority
show examples
 should make a good budget for developing railways.
Firstly
, for all of
us
Add a comma
,us
show examples
 safety is important, everyone's life is precious. Admittedly, over the past few decades , the
number
 of private vehicles
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been increased significantly ,which leads
more
Change preposition
to more
show examples
road
traffic
accidents
. Tacitly, one family have more than one vehicle , it's become a
messurement
Correct your spelling
measurement
 of having high social status. Apparently, if we keep on developing roads
then
 the
number
 of
Add an article
the vehicle
a vehicle
show examples
vehicle
Change to a plural noun
vehicles
show examples
 will
also
 increase which leads
more
Change preposition
to more
show examples
accidents
 and death. A recent study conducted in India shows that
,
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apply
show examples
 more than 50% of
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 died due to
road
traffic
accidents
.
In addition
 to
this
Add a comma
,this
show examples
 if we progress the
road
 , environmental
pollusion
Correct your spelling
pollution
 will
also
 rise up.
On the other hand
, development can happen in the railway system, which
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 more
people
 and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
also
 will be safe. Ostensibly, lots of
people
 can travel at
Add an article
the same
show examples
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
 time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
train
 and even can save time( there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no
traffic
 blocks for
train
Add an article
the train
a train
show examples
 ) compared to
road
.
Train
 accident happens very rarely, Even we can avoid
train
accidents
 by checking all the associated systems regularly and replace the faulty one, for these
railway
Change the determiner
railways
show examples
 need more funds. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should make more investment on railway rather than roads.
Therefore
 we can reduce the
number
 of vehicles,
road
traffic
accidents
 and
more over
Correct your spelling
moreover
show examples
 save our earth not to become a boiling pot.
Submitted by chinnucw on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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