IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

One of the major problems facing the world today is the growing number of refugees. The developed nations in the world should tackle this problem by taking more refugees. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

One of the world’s major issues is the growing population of emigrants. They usually move
of
Change preposition
out of
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 countries
due to
Linking Words
 war, natural disasters or conflicts in their region. Some people argue that developed
nations
Use synonyms
 should accept more
refugees
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view. First of all, developed
nations
Use synonyms
 are well established and have a decent strategy when they accept them
compared
Punctuation problem
, compared
show examples
 to developing countries.
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Linking Words
Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
show examples
 they can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
build a new life in the
country
Use synonyms
. For
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example
we
Punctuation problem
, we
show examples
 know the current situation in
Afghan
Use the right word
Afghanistan
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the US
military moving
Check wording
military's move out
show examples
 of the
country
Use synonyms
. The terrorist has occupied the entire nation. The citizens are really worried
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 the new rules.
This
Linking Words
 has majorly impacted all the citizens. Canada, the European Union and the US have extended their hands
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 many
refugees
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 accepted by changing their visa
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 and reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
airfare. They will
also
Linking Words
to benefited
Verb problem
benefit
show examples
 as there are many welfare programmes for them.
This
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
turn
Punctuation problem
turn,
show examples
 helps them to start a new life.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
refugees
Use synonyms
 will bring more income to the
country
Use synonyms
. There are many skilled
refugees
Use synonyms
 who can be more productive and help the host nation increase
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 labour force. In turn, they can be the engines of job growth.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study done by the London
school
Fix capitalization
School
show examples
 of
business
Fix capitalization
Business
show examples
 showed that almost a quarter
percentages
Check wording
apply
show examples
of doctors are immigrants. Other research
also
Linking Words
stats
Use the right word
states
show examples
 that native workers do better in their job when there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
immigrant
Fix the agreement mistake
immigrants
show examples
 as their colleagues.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that developed
nations
Use synonyms
 should take more immigrants into their
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because developed countries can give them a better place to stay and access to health care
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can
be benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 from the presence of the
refugees
Use synonyms
 in their
nations
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure you have clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas better (e.g., 'firstly', 'furthermore', 'in addition').
task achievement
Try to give more examples to support your points clearly.
task achievement
Check your grammar and spelling to reduce errors that can distract the reader.
task achievement
You have made a clear position on the topic and support it well throughout the essay.
task achievement
You provided real-world examples to illustrate your points, which is a strong element of your argument.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: