IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Too much attention is paid to and too much money is spent on keeping pets, while people throughout the world are starving. Discuss the arguments for and against keeping pets. To what extent do you agree?

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Nowadays, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 struggling from starvation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 rising. In fact, the issue is getting worse against the background of local wars taking place in Afghanistan, Lebanon and Syria. Because of that, the argument that
people
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 waste
money
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 on keeping
pets
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instead
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 of helping those who are suffering from starvation has both been refuted and supported by many. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss both views with concrete examples.
First,
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pet lovers believe that animals help to be healthy.
For example
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, pet owners wake up early and go for a walk with their
pets
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, and it is a workout for them.
Furthermore
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, dogs and cats save
people
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 from mental diseases caused by loneliness. Recent research reveals that
people
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 who have
pets
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 live longer than others who do not have
ones
Correct your spelling
one
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. So, animals are a displaced part of human beings.
Second,
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many individuals argue that each other might support the poverty part of society
instead
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 of wasting
money
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 on
pets
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 buy food and medicines for their
pets
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 every day
whereas
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 these days lots of
people
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 do not have the means to eat.
In addition
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, we observe many local wars via mass media where
people
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 are starving, and each person can transfer
money
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 from their budget allocated for keeping
pets
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. In conclusion, both the proponents and the opponents of the argument that much means is wasted on keeping
pets
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 when some human beings are starving have strong points.
Nevertheless
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, in my opinion, investing
money
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 in
pets
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 is extremely important for pet lovers, but there are
also
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 many ways of spending means
on helping
Change preposition
to help
show examples
 poor
people
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 that require some help from social members. It is,
therefore
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, suggested that
people
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 should help others.

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both arguments for and against keeping pets in relation to the issue of starving people. The arguments are presented with relevant examples.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a clear logical structure with an introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported with relevant examples, and the essay flows coherently from one point to the next.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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