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Band 6

Some think the current generation should take steps to protect the environment for the next generation.to what extend do you agree or dis agree.

#think #generation #steps #environment #dis
In the present age, there has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether young people have a responsibility to take measures in order to protect the environment. Personally, I totally agree with that statement because we have only one planet in the galaxy which includes sufficient factors for life so we have to keep it healthy both for humans and animals. I feel
this
 way because of two reasons which I will explain in the following essay. The primary reason we have to take into consideration is that, nowadays, by developing technology, humans use many sources of energy and
as a result
 release their wastes into the environment.
For example
, when societies take actions
such
 as producing a huge amount of greenhouse gases leads to more serious problems like global warming.
Consequently
, if the human population continue in the same way as before, the earth won't be sustainable for living anymore.
Due to
 that, I firmly believe that we should take some steps to tackle
this
 phenomenon as soon as possible. The second reason which is worth
point
Wrong verb form
pointing
show examples
 out
that is
 we should not be selfish and
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 whatever we want and
destroying
Wrong verb form
destroy
show examples
 our environment.
Furthermore
, all of us have a responsibility to protect the ecosystem and pass it in a healthy condition to the next generations.
For instance
, all members of the ecosystem like animals have a right to live in an appropriate condition.
In addition
, we have to protect them and give an opportunity to the next generations to be familiar with them as well.
To sum up
, I would like
to conclude
 that it is vital to take measures in order to protect our planet. Definitely, our children deserve to live on a healthy and green earth.
Submitted by sajedehmo on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure that the essay contains a clear introduction, at least two supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction is satisfactory but can be strengthened with a more detailed thesis statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop paragraphs with a clear main idea and subsequent supporting sentences. Use cohesive devices to link your ideas together smoothly. Some paragraphs could be improved with better organization and clearer connections.
Task Achievement
Elaborate on your ideas with relevant, specific examples that support your argument. There is a lack of detailed examples that demonstrate the points being made more vividly.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the task is fully addressed with comprehensive coverage of the topic. The response is on topic, but some ideas could be fleshed out further.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear position throughout the response, which is good for task achievement. However, expanding further with a more developed argument would enhance the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental conservation
  • sustainable practices
  • carbon footprint
  • renewable energy
  • deforestation
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • ecosystem
  • biodiversity
  • waste management
  • conservation
  • global warming
  • greenhouse gases
  • natural resources
  • renewable resources
  • fossil fuels
  • reducing emissions
  • eco-friendly
  • recycling
  • alternative energy
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