IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The children have unsupervised access to Internet and socialize with others that can lead to dangerous consequences

#children #access #internet #consequences
The
parents
 are being criticized for giving
children
 unsupervised access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 to interact with others, surf bad websites, use social media and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
play games. In
this
 essay, I will shed the light on disadvantages of the unsupervised access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 and how we can tackle
this
 issue.
Firstly
, without the supervision of
parents
Internet
 access can lead to dangerous consequences
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
 due to the fact they can socialize with hackers and kidnappers that put them at risk personally and financially.
Secondly
,
children
 visit paragraph Websites secretly as
result
Add an article
a result
show examples
 of it they become addicted to browse these sites and put
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
Replace the word
effect
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
 on their body and brain.
Thirdly
, they love to play games but some
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 can be threatening.
For instance
, fire fairy and blue whale took
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
 of two
children
 in Lahore and was reported in
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
. Fourthly,
children
 may try adventurous sports and risky experiments which are viral on social media
such
 as jumping into rivers has taken
life
Add an article
the life
a life
show examples
 of many. We can do few things to solve
this
 phenomenon
such
 as
Internet
 service providers give
parents
 control options
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can be used and there are many
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
software's
 are available that block and restrict unwanted materials.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
parents
 should indulge with
children
 online activities, in
this
 way they can keep eye on them. The
parents
 can ensure they use inter for knowledge and entertainments purposes. In
Correct article usage
a nutshell
show examples
nutshell
Add a comma
,nutshell
show examples
Internet
 is
unsecured
Add an article
the unsecured
an unsecured
show examples
 place for kids where they encounter plenty of threatening situations.
Parents
 should set
time
Add an article
a time
show examples
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their use and keep eye on their
children
.
Submitted by naila.shafique111 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: