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Band 5

There has been an increase in the incident of anti-social behavior in the last few years. What are the reasons for this increase? What can society do to solve this problem?

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Presently, it is true that anti-social
behaviours
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 have become more common in many societies. There are numerous reasons for
this
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as well as
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 there are possible solutions to solve the problem, which will be
further
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 examined in the following essay. There are various causes as to why
people
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 have anti-social
behaviours
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. The first and most significant is
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
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 in modern technologies
as a result
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 of a lack of interaction between other
people
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 ,especially children. Mobile phones are good examples of
this
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 because nowadays most parents allow their kids to spend a lot of time on the internet
instead
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 of doing outdoor activities with their neighbours.
This
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 causes children to not have sufficient social skills when they grow up
therefore
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, they prefer to enjoy themselves alone and do not pay attention to others.
Moreover
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, most websites
such
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 as Facebook, Twitter and YouTube have many bad influences, resulting in changing
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people
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people's
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 attitudes in bad perspectives because they want to be more famous
in
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on
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 social media. Despite the aforementioned causes, there are some effective solutions that can be put forward
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against
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anti-social
behaviours
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. The most essential is a campaign which is held by governments and societies as well. Voluntary works are good campaigns to educate
people
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 in societies to have good
behaviours
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 in public.
Furthermore
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, these make opportunities for
people
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 to make new friends and expose their own skills and opinions in the right places.
Apart from
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this
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, another point is serious regulation on the internet nowadays social media are popular online platforms which attract a majority of
people
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.
Therefore
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, there should be a punishment for
people
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 who are bad influences. In conclusion, it can be seen that anti-social
behaviours
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 are caused by many factors, but it has some potential solutions. Personally, it is my belief that if both
people
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 and governments realize the problem
of
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apply
show examples
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this
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apply
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exists,
then
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 it can be solved quickly and effectively.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on providing a more balanced conclusion by summarizing key points from each part of the essay clearly. This will strengthen the overall cohesiveness of your writing.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your ideas. This strengthens your argument and shows a deeper understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Ensure that ideas are clearly articulated and directly linked to the question. Avoid general statements and focus on precision.
Task Achievement
The essay presents clear main ideas and recognizes the complexity of the issue, which is commendable.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction sets the stage effectively and previews the content of the essay, providing a clear roadmap for the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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